I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
