sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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