I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
