mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
