Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
