i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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