I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
