we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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