I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
