Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
