I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
