I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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