U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
