Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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