i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
