dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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