Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
