Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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