the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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