So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
