Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
