butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
