Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
