when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We're too hungover to prance.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
