Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
