I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't deserve a penis
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
