who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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