theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
