farters have to be the big spoon...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
