morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
