i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
