my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
