I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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