I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
