I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
