He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
