I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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