So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Say something about gay babies.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
