when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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