wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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