the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
