GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
