This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
