mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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