stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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