Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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