I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
