Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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