I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
