you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
