yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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