she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
