every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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